Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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