So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
