So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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