I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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