The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
