You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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