hell yes lets make some ravioli
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Randomize
