Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
