that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
i've created a new STD.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
