just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
