You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
