Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize