did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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