You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
