I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
