Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
the raccoons are back...
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