I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
