Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Randomize
