Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Randomize
