The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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