one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
