god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
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