You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
