Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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