Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
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