i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
