well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
