i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
