i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
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