Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
