I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
