i wish peter jackson would direct porn
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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