I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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