the new term for farting is butt boxing.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
