Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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