i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
