they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
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