I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
There's always time for handjobs
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
