like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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