Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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