I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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