we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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