thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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