hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
it was like eating out sand paper
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
