Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
