i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
