More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
being pregnant is like rehab
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Randomize
