This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
