So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
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