Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize