just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
