he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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