Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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