Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
