You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
This is the high leading the old right now
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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