hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
