My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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