the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Who wears a wallet chain?!
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize
