is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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