my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
