my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
