I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize