I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
there was a trapeze. enough said
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Randomize
