Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
