at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Randomize
