YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
