Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize
