The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize