i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Randomize
