am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize