...so i touched it.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Randomize
