i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize