Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I would fuck him just for his dog
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
