I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
